Meh. Maybe I’ll blog in Summer.

Maybe something will happen in Guernsey. Something BIG. Then I’ll blog about it.

Yeah..right. Interesting fact: beets, bears, and battle star galactica meet Will Ferrell. Welcome, Elf.

But I was reminded of how much I love blogging when I read my own blog. Doesn’t that sound stupid? I sat down at my mom’s computer and went to my site to see when I had written last. Then I just started reading all that I had submitted. It was like…saying hello to a long-lost friend. “Oh, I remember you!”

The best part about reading my blog tonight was remembering hurtful experiences, in which I was able to write with an essence of masked truth. It’s a beautiful thing knowing that God has carried you through in faithfulness because of the undeserving love he has for us. It’s a beautiful thing knowing his love is greater than my inmost deep, and fuller than my shallow wading-waters.

I think blogging stirs my affections for Jesus because it show me his beauty in midst of the human heart–especially at its core.

Hello, writing. We meet again.

That’s me for ya.  An input output table.  But isn’t that us?  Everyone?  Everything that we go through, affects us, whether it’s good or bad.  And it’s not like we  have to speak to be making an output of the way we feel.  Our behavior says it all, right?  …or maybe it doesn’t.

Some of us have routines.  A variable in our lives can either affect us in a good way, or a bad one.  Usually, we won’t withhold the good variable in our lives.  We are not afraid to show the joy that so embodies ourselves.  But when the bad variable affects our lives, we suddenly freeze.  And these routines include bottling up, masking, and holding back.

The above mentioned are dangerous.  Bottling up to is hard for anyone.  Even the toughest.  Masking can even deceive your own self.  Holding back brings more intense anger, sadness, and sometimes deep bitterness. . .whether that means against God or others.

Have you ever seen, like, car mirrors that say, “Warning:  object may be closer than appears”?  What if there were signs like that over our hearts?  “Warning:  object may be more broken than appears” or “object may be less than fine, regardless of appearance”?  Because masks are just so easy to use.  It’s easy to put a veil over our faces.  We don’t want everyone to show them that the shine is wearing off…our joy is no more.

In fact, this joy has abruptly turned into deep hurt.  The hurt has become rooted in our hearts; we turn it over and play with it for awhile.  We go back and look upon the awkwardness, and recall the things that were said…the hopes, the comfortability, and eventually, the letdown.

And we see each other with our nicely-played roles, and think, “so cocky..” or “minnesota-nice?” or “attitude problem!”  A wall goes up in our minds about each and every one else…of who they are, what they’ve become, and what they should be.  And sirens go off with these people in our hearts, because we don’t want to get hurt.  So maybe the littlest birds don’t sing the prettiest songs.

Or maybe it’s the largest, predator birds that are really the prey.

Hitler?  Was affected by his rough, performance-based father…who was “an accident” of a Jewish family’s maiden.
That older gentleman down the street who isn’t that much of a gentleman?  It just so happens that his wife died five years ago, and he can’t handle being alone.  So he “pukes random words” to try to find the right ones for his loved ones.
Oh, and that girl in the workplace that seems so uptight…like, drama queen, to the core.  Yeah, her family doesn’t accept her.  They value her less than her siblings.  And she’s looking for someone to tell her of her worth.

Maybe we give each other too much credit for being so put together.  I believe that all of us are little birds.  No matter how deep we have to dig to find that bird, I believe that there is a cage in there somewhere.  We put real good faces on.  But there’s so much more than meets the eye.

For if what was being brought to an end came with glory, much more will what is permanent have glory.  Since we have such a hope, we are very bold, not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face so that the Israelites might not gaze at the outcome of what was being brought to an end. . . .But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed.  Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.  For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
.II Corinthians 3:11-13, 16-18.

And so, who the Son sets free, are free indeed.  The littlest caged birds sing the prettiest songs.  And the free birds sing harmonies in sympathy, reaching out, and lifting up to their Maker.

Not only does it have a passionate hatred against the false gospel, but it talks about our utter fulfillment in Christ–not in the riches of what we see to be his blessing, but in the riches of what He gives in accordance to his plan.  And this may mean that we feel joy, but mostly, in the depth of our sorrow, God’s glory is found.  Not to say that his glory is not seen through our joy in God-given prosperity, but that our satisfaction in him is easier seen in our losses.

Enjoy!

It’s
all

about

Him.

Of late, there have been a lot of disappointments.  I have put my trust and hope in a whole bunch of other things.  My heart has been on the flip-side.  I finally came to a point of wondering, Where have I gone to?

I remember in situations like these, I used to depend completely on Jesus.  In fact, I would be content in situations just as these, just waiting because I knew that this wasn’t all my life was about.  Tonight I remembered that.

Jesus Christ promised us a place in the end of our time.  I know that in a blink of an eye (literally) I will be in the presence of the LORD.  I was designed and created for the exact experience that I would be spending with the Maker of my body, and more personally, my soul.  Therefore, I will be completely and utterly fulfilled.  And it won’t only last a fleeting moment–as even the deepest joys of the world brings.  It will not be 100 years, or even 1000.  But it will be for the rest of my eternity…being where I was intricately designed for; the presence of the Holy One.

Another thing that Christ brought to my mind tonight was how holy he is.  All that I have put my trust and hope in are so less than perfect.  They’re so unsatisfying, and I’m always left wanting more from them.  If the idols in my life were holy, I would be deeply satisfied.  I would not be wondering why I am searching for good things about them.  God’s holiness fulfills my needs.  He is complete and whole, filling all void spaces in the heart of the beggar.

Other things would be considered more than Jesus, because he’s not the only thing.  For example, if there were snacks other than the cheese doritos, there would be more snacks.  But for me to put trust in my idols would not be putting trust in something more, but in something less. For Christ is Holy.  And my idols were made by him.

I just spent a weekend at a Jazz festival at UW with about 100 other high school students.  It is interesting to see how kids react.  Yeah, I understand, we’re only like what?  Age 14-18?  So there’s a bit of a lack of maturity.  However.  I am wondering if in the old days, girls acted the way we do; guys acted the way they do.

It’s interesting to see that girls that have to be loud for attention.  Therefore, the response of the guy is to be loud right back.  OK, again, there is a lack of maturity.  But…I don’t know.  Does it have something to do with home-life?  Or am I over-analytical?

It seems that if a woman were to teach her daughter the gospel and what that means for her identity, that girl wouldn’t have to be loud to get attention…to be liked…

Please!  Pursue me.  Delight in my beauty.  Enthrall in me.  Be pleased with me.  Get to know me.  Discover my inmost being.  I long for it.

I guess it’s a struggle in girls as a whole these days.  And the guy’s response?  AWKWARD!  The gentlemen’s response is to back down.  And the schmo response is to be loud right back and join in on the “fun.”

Just a thought.  Maybe more later.

Well.  I kind of feel like I’m inwardly wasting away.  We’re just caught in this pit of self-destruction.  We do what we do not want to do.  So, therefore, providing the proof of the inner war being battled out within us.  So how do we get out?  How do I let Jesus live through me?

First, it starts with dying.  “I was put to death on the cross with Jesus Christ and I no longer live..”  We die to our desires.  We surrender our wills.  We submit to our King.

After death, we are raised to life through Christ.  “Therefore, anyone who is in Christ is reborn; the old is gone, the new has come.”  Christ lives through us.  He is living for us.  Let’s face it.  Even our best is still dirty to Jesus.  Therefore, let us be clothed in the righteousness of Christ.

And through it all, we fall down at the cross.  We realize our inadequacy and we put it on Jesus.

Hey…tomorrow morning.  Meet me at the cross.

Can I just tell you how much freedom we have in Christ?  It does not matter if we don’t “measure up.”  ”Well, I feel like I’m seen [this way] if I don’t measure up to [this standard]…”  Like, really?  It’s not even about us.  Our worth is not found in what how well we do something…if it is, it becomes our idol.  Our god..in front of our God.  It’s so shallow, selfish, and dishonoring to Christ when we think like that.

Think about it:  If Christ is our life and we’re putting our identity in how well we’re doing things, how much honor does that bring Christ?  What is that saying to others about his satisfaction?

Let the fact be known that Christ is all-fulfilling and we don’t need ANYTHING else.  We can and will fall because Christ is our life;  preciously hidden in Him.

..Blank Slate.  All I have is this random space, in which I am to put all of my thoughts, emotions, feelings, everything.

I have been thinking about this quite a lot lately.  How are we supposed to guard our hearts online?  How do we seriously protect our hearts and minds when we’re putting it all on the internet, for everyone to see?  I hope this changes the way we see ourselves…not only as people, but as daughters of the King.  Because, guess what?  He’s enthralled in our beauty.  ”What’s that?” you ask.  Enthralled.  

Shouldn’t we wait for a face-to-face relationship instead of just putting everything up front because of our desire to be known?  They must initiate.  And yes, as their friend, we can conversate, and hope, and like, because that is what friends do.  However, we must do it in the position which God created us to be in.  Waiting, calm, content, relaxed.  Quietly waiting.  We’re here; they shouldn’t worry.  They just gotta strap that parachute on, take a deep breath, and jump off the cliff…harsh?  No!  That is the way God created it.  We are treasures.  Not because of anything we’ve done or anything we are.  But because of who Christ is; because of what he’s done; and because of who he’s made us to be.

No, we don’t have to treat all of them as potential dating partners.  We shouldn’t; it’s dangerous.  On the contrary, we should treat them as brothers in Christ.  And that means, allowing them to lead in the areas that they are created to lead…which is like, everywhere.  haha.  And our duty is to encourage, respect, be helpers of them.  Yet, allow us to keep our sisters closer.  We connect with them so much better on such a more deeper level outside of marriage.  So, please.  Don’t arouse or awaken love until it so desires.  Wait quietly.  Have a love-relationship with Jesus first.  Dare I say romantic relationship?

Just a glimpse of what I read this morning before I went to WNCC Volleyball Camp:

Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits–
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s…
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love…
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us…
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust…
Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, my soul.
~Psalm 103 

Ok, so that was more like a novel instead of a glimpse.  But I go back to Hebrews 4:12, because it’s so true!  But anywho.  I wanted to share this with you so that you can just dwell on the goodness of the LORD.  We go through hard times, yeah.  Yet, there are also awesome times when we get to enjoy life in a carefree manner–all the more for the JOY of serving Him!  Our God is a good God, filled with jealous love, compassion, graciousness, mercy, and wonders.  What a beautiful wonderment he is to gaze upon.  Perfect in all he does, with timing, etiquette, and satisfaction.  And these are the days that excite my heart for Heaven.